Pieces

What is left? Asking it that way makes it sound like most of the ground was already covered, and there are bits and pieces that need to be sorted. In a different context, it seems to insinuate over is there any connective tissue still connecting. But it feels different, it feels as if actually most of the tissue was there... and there was a hole in an important part. Too important. So important that despite most other things being ok or great or excellent, it's just not worth it to continue.

Can the hole be fixed? Unclear. Maybe with different perspective (like a different light to look at it with where you change your mind because from that new angle it looks different), or healing (like real healing, not forgetting to then remember with the same feelings)... a lot of the talking was talked. A lot of it. Sometimes spinning, sometimes settling, sometimes sinking, sometimes forward, sometimes backward. Maybe it is time to call for silence.

Can new holes appear on important things? Yes. 

Are there holes that are not in those basic or complex but truly fundamental areas, but they are in areas that matter right now? Could some of these holes be grass greener somewhere else? Yes and yes. On the first, priorities change, needs change. On the second, desires change. 

Is there a path ahead where the tissue didn't break? I can't tell. I can't imagine that life.

The pain of building an imaginary castle and tearing it down feels more painful than actually going about building the castle and tearing it down. Because the imagination is more pure, more flawless, more perfect. So tearing down the imagination is just chaos. I have built a castle and tore it down, and the most painful of it was the future designed that seemingly won't be there.

Can there be something on the other side? What? Way to early to tell.

To be doing something like this for so long is really draining. It gets to a point where a clean cut could be better to clean up the mind, to clean up the air, to clean up the space. To stop the pull.